tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-167130532024-03-14T02:26:11.146-07:00My Poetry, Jokes That Aren't FunnyRoses Are Red Violets Are Blue If you don't like my poems Then screw youKLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.comBlogger64125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16713053.post-48265109407088420742024-03-11T08:30:00.000-07:002024-03-11T08:36:10.142-07:00Sacramento<p>I sit at the window</p><p><br /></p><p>listening to traffic</p><p><br /></p><p>I can feel the energy of my city</p><p><br /></p><p>I can feel a million souls</p><p><br /></p><p>moving</p><p><br /></p><p>fighting</p><p><br /></p><p>playing music</p><p><br /></p><p>making music</p><p><br /></p><p>dancing</p><p><br /></p><p>walking</p><p><br /></p><p>drinking</p><p><br /></p><p>drowning worries</p><p><br /></p><p>building and destroying</p><p><br /></p><p>I can feel all this energy pass through me</p><p><br /></p><p>like electricity moving through a wire</p><p><br /></p><p>so many different frequencies</p><p><br /></p><p>so many different textures, colors, flavors</p><p><br /></p><p>flowing eventually together</p><p><br /></p><p>if I can keep it from becoming ticklish</p><p><br /></p><p>if I can keep it from burning</p><p><br /></p><p>if I can just hold it, it's building</p><p><br /></p><p>in me</p><p><br /></p><p>as it pulses and finds a rhythm</p><p><br /></p><p>a symphony of human motion</p><p><br /></p><p>and emotions</p><p><br /></p><p>it builds</p><p><br /></p><p>it lifts me from my chair</p><p><br /></p><p>I float up in my room</p><p><br /></p><p>I find the center</p><p><br /></p><p>I am equal distance from each of my walls</p><p><br /></p><p>from the ceiling and from the floor</p><p><br /></p><p>I start rotating</p><p><br /></p><p>slowly at first</p><p><br /></p><p>then spinning</p><p><br /></p><p>faster </p><p><br /></p><p>and faster</p><p><br /></p><p>until all is a blur</p><p><br /></p><p>all vision is blended, streaked, combined, overlapped until it is blackness</p><p><br /></p><p>a living blackness</p><p><br /></p><p>all sound combines, at first cacophonous</p><p><br /></p><p>then droning, buzzing, tighter until it is silence</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>I explode</p><p><br /></p><p>the energy of the city returns to the city</p><p><br /></p><p>it takes me with it</p><p><br /></p><p>I am part of it as it is a part of me</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>I wake up cold in bed</p><p><br /></p><p>I step to my open window and listen to my city</p><p><br /></p><p>I can hear the far off freeway</p><p><br /></p><p>someone is singing</p><p><br /></p><p>a car drives by with loud bass thumping</p><p><br /></p><p>it grows louder and then fades </p><p><br /></p><p>I close the window</p><p><br /></p><p>shutting out the sounds of my city</p><p><br /></p><p>in my small room</p><p><br /></p><p>four white walls</p><p><br /></p><p>as close as I ever get to silence</p><p><br /></p><p>and I fall back to sleep</p>KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16713053.post-56743761902645554252024-03-05T09:14:00.000-08:002024-03-09T12:46:19.254-08:00My Type <p> You</p><p>You're my type</p><p>When you were long and lanky and we twisted our limbs like branches growing rapidly together</p><p>When you're curvy and round and enough for me to get lost in</p><p>When you become old and so comfortably familiar it would be a struggle to recall what it was like not to have you near</p><p>My type is you</p>KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16713053.post-50797543262139730462024-03-05T09:09:00.000-08:002024-03-09T12:39:45.135-08:00That Kid<p> That kid I used to be</p><p>Sometimes he seems like someone else</p><p>Someone I can sympathise with</p><p>Someone I wish I could help</p><p>Poor little shit, he didn't know anything</p><p><br /></p><p>Today though</p><p>On my 52nd birthday</p><p>He was there in the mirror</p><p>Looking older</p><p>But still that same kid</p><p>Those same eyes</p><p>Starring back at me</p><p>I can help him</p><p>I can give him love</p><p>I do love him</p><p>Poor little shit</p><p>He knew so much</p>KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16713053.post-43277899679646428582024-02-15T08:14:00.000-08:002024-02-15T08:14:16.263-08:00Valentine's Day<p> I saw a Valentine's Day post</p><p>"Every second of every minute with you has been wonderful."</p><p>A sentiment I find unlikely </p><p>I argue reality is more romantic.</p><p>"The good times are so very good, they've made it worth getting through the horrendous times, and that's saying something, because we been through some shit!"</p>KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16713053.post-4968942377426399372024-01-23T11:43:00.000-08:002024-01-23T11:43:17.465-08:00Victory!<p> <span style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: inherit; font-size: 15px; white-space-collapse: preserve;">"Come Celebrate, Comrades! We've done it! We have remade America as a Socialist Utopia at last! I've got a peppermint mocha for each of you!" </span></p><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, "system-ui", ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">"Um... like, thanks for the mocha but you know most of us still don't have health insurance, right? And I don't know how I'm paying my already late rent this month. Are you sure we've succeeded in making America a socialist utopia?"</div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, "system-ui", ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">"Hello!? Didn't you hear the barista say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas? Victory is ours! Viva <span style="font-family: inherit;"><a style="color: #385898; cursor: pointer; font-family: inherit;" tabindex="-1"></a></span>la revoluciĆ³n!!!"</div></div>KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16713053.post-89446649661131288732024-01-17T15:57:00.000-08:002024-01-23T17:54:08.507-08:00How can I read when there's writing to be done<p>I sit to read and the first page is brilliant and inspires me so, I hop up to write<br />I sit to write about life, and love and, reminded that these are happening all about me, I hop up to live<br /><br />I spin in circles</p><p>possibility overwhelms me</p><p>I look at my phone<br /><br />"Reading and writing today" I post as my status update</p><p>and just like that, I get several dozen reacts, likes, loves, and hugs</p><p>I'll try reading again later</p>KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16713053.post-16094249034369604502024-01-12T11:37:00.000-08:002024-01-12T11:37:38.710-08:00Is It Cake? <div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, "system-ui", ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Life wasn't hard enough, now we have to worry that things might be cake?</div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, "system-ui", ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space-collapse: preserve;">And I just saw a video of cake that was really a pillow.
So anything might be cake and cake might not be cake?</div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, "system-ui", ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Why are we doing this?</div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, "system-ui", ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Leave cake be; It's one of the few things we've gotten right. It's one of the small spots of joy that almost make life bearable.</div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, "system-ui", ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; font-size: 15px; white-space-collapse: preserve;">Cake.</div>KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16713053.post-85905507241142584472024-01-03T10:03:00.000-08:002024-01-03T10:03:46.450-08:00Limerick<p>There once was a man from Nantucket<br />who knew he'd one day kick the bucket<br />This awareness of his mortal state<br />a sense of foreboding did create<br />and also, he had a comically large penis</p>KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16713053.post-52045556223627170802023-12-30T08:42:00.000-08:002023-12-30T08:42:06.751-08:00Success<p> I've worked very hard</p><p>And become a moderate success</p><p>Which is a shame</p><p>I could've been an epic failure</p>KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16713053.post-76955285493627681762023-12-18T11:16:00.000-08:002023-12-18T17:41:11.987-08:00When you die<p>Many songs will become sad, full of sweet memories of you<br />as will songs you never have the chance to hear, ones I know you'd have loved<br />or hated<br />or laughed at me for loving<br /><br />I already think of you every-time I go out for pizza<br />Not delivery<br />Just the singular glow of a dimly lit pizza place, with a videogame soundtrack<br />When you're gone, first slices will become a silent toast to you<br /><br />You will haunt bike rides, and road trips,<br />and the fact that I never figured out how to play pool,<br />laughable horrible vegan foods that we buy anyway,<br />and remembering the love that is shared even in the middle of fights<br /><br />A significant piece of me only exists because I know you<br />And it's a piece of me I share<br />You'll live on in people who never knew you<br />Just as in songs you've never heard<br /><br /><br /><br /></p>KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16713053.post-75720973874756680842023-12-06T03:53:00.000-08:002023-12-06T03:53:26.640-08:00In a hotel in Przemysl <p>Sitting in an old Soviet era hotel in Przemysl Poland with jet lag insomnia</p><p>2 planes</p><p>4 trains</p><p>3 countries so far</p><p>Crossing an ocean in pursuit of adventure and I only dare hope it's a fraction as memorable and delightful as times I've walked just down the road to take your clothes off</p>KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16713053.post-46117898182691750562018-09-18T08:43:00.002-07:002018-09-18T08:43:42.001-07:00My coworker the accidental poet (overheard at work)Had a couple of whisky drinks yesterday<br />
Made me feel strong!<br />
Now I'm tiredKLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16713053.post-39080559691017607142018-09-13T09:23:00.002-07:002018-09-13T09:23:50.615-07:00I like goosebumps<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I like goosebumps</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I like chills</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Know where I can score some endorphins?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I went on an all night sleep bender</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Now Let's Rage</span>KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16713053.post-26881589569204268102018-09-13T09:06:00.001-07:002018-09-13T09:22:27.520-07:00Look at the sky<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Parent meeting</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I feel like a student again</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">not a feeling I enjoy</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">The teacher is at the front of the class talking</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I'm sitting in a tiny chair having trouble concentrating</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">"We need this form signed, and a volunteer to coordinate these events..."</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">My mind keeps wandering off</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">She stops... "I'm sorry but, look at the sky."</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">We look out the window to catch a fantastic fall sunset swirl of blue, and pink, and grey</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I am filled with joy at knowing my daughter has a teacher who will interrupt herself to point out a beautiful sky</span>KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16713053.post-692496074549045382018-09-11T08:23:00.001-07:002018-09-13T09:35:11.125-07:009/ll memory<div class="_1dwg _1w_m _q7o" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; padding: 12px 12px 0px;">
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Driving on the freeway, everyone going exactly the same moderate speed, nobody passing, very little lane changing. I'm crying. </div>
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I look to my left and the driver of the car next to me is staring straight ahead, also crying. </div>
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I look to my right, same.<br />
In this broken hour we function perfectly, like a precision instrument.</div>
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I arrive home and park against the curb on the busy, three lane road where my apartment sits. The spell is broken as I open my door into a bicyclist. The car door makes contact with his pedal. </div>
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He yells "Fuck you, asshole!" and flips me off. </div>
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I yell "I'm sorry!" because I am, incredibly, but I also want to yell "Thank you!"</div>
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KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16713053.post-50297210593673390842017-12-13T12:58:00.000-08:002017-12-13T12:58:00.215-08:00CampaigningVote for me<br />I've been lonely<br />Vote for me<br />
I've been lost<br />
Vote for me<br />
I don't know what I'm doing<br />
Vote for me<br />
I'm helpless<br />
Vote for me<br />
My rent is late<br />
Vote for me<br />
I once ate at a Chinese restaurant with my last four dollars and when I found a hair in my food, I kept eating until I was almost done and then went and got my four dollars back, with my belly nice and full and I bought a wonderful cup of coffee and felt fine about myself.<br />
Vote for meKLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16713053.post-26429645923509649332017-03-06T19:20:00.001-08:002017-03-06T20:32:21.345-08:00Max in the windowIn the backyard<br />
with a leaf blower<br />
Life is loud, sweaty, dusty<br />
Hard to breath, hard to see<br />
<br />
There's a knock on the window<br />
and looking up, through squinting eyes,<br />
There is my seven year old, Max<br />
<br />
She is waving at me<br />
She is grinning<br />
a huge silly, happy, smile<br />
Life is a miracle<br />
<br />
She is inside, I am outside<br />
but she can see me<br />
I am in a storm of swirling leaves<br />
and a racket of electric noise and wind<br />
And she is in a still, quiet bedroom<br />
and yet we are right next to each other<br />
waving<br />
Life is a miracle<br />
<br />
A thing called glass exists<br />
to allow us to coexist<br />
in separate worlds<br />
she's heard it's made of sand that's been heated<br />
a magical process that facilitates this joy<br />
she isn't thinking about that now<br />
just celebrating the moment<br />
Life is a miracle<br />
<br />
She is done waving and off to create worlds<br />
I am back to my chores with that grin<br />
bigger than the universe<br />
enveloping me<br />
making me remember<br />
Life is a miracleKLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16713053.post-1394131001841507682017-03-06T19:16:00.001-08:002017-03-06T19:25:11.165-08:00You Can't Fire Me Because I QuitSo...<br />
there's this guy I know<br />
and I can't stand him<br />
I think he's a hypocrite<br />
and a prick<br />
and just so full of shit<br />
And the last thing I wanted was to continue being his friend<br />
But he decided to stop being my friend<br />
before I got around to actively not being his friend<br />
And instead of appreciating the favor he did me<br />
and the trouble he saved me<br />
It's<br />
Driving<br />
Me <br />
MAD!<br />
How dare he! KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16713053.post-77085496327019292362017-03-06T19:15:00.000-08:002017-03-06T19:17:39.929-08:00I honk at catsI honk at cats<br />
as I drive down the street<br />
<br />
They jump<br />
They arch<br />
They his<br />
They spit<br />
Their hair stands on end<br />
<br />
I honk at cats<br />
and I terrify them<br />
<br />
They run<br />
They panic<br />
When a safe distance they turn<br />
They stare<br />
with huge saucer eyes betrayed<br />
<br />
I honk at cats<br />
when they're near the road<br />
because there are things in life<br />
one should be afraid ofKLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16713053.post-55042810600133579162015-12-04T09:36:00.001-08:002015-12-04T09:36:56.714-08:00Please listen carefully as our menu options have changedPress number 1 to continue in English<br />
Para Espanol, Oprima Numero Dos<br />
Press number 3 for a general sense of malaise<br />
Press number 4 if you're on the verge of committing a violent act<br />
Press number 5 to try a free sample of our newest non dairy cheese spray<br />
press number 6 if you feel like you have to get out but you don't know where you'd go<br />
Press number 7 to be placed on our do not call list<br />
Press number 8 to pull the plug<br />
Press number 9 to be connected to a living person with compassion and understanding<br />
Press number 0 to be disconnectedKLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16713053.post-56676540860188572972015-12-04T09:21:00.001-08:002017-03-06T19:27:25.716-08:00American ExceptionalismI was late to work again<br />
<div>
because I couldn't find my shoes</div>
<div>
How am I supposed to save the world</div>
<div>
when I can barely function</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I can't sleep at night</div>
<div>
waiting for someone to come for me</div>
<div>
because I know</div>
<div>
someone should be coming for me</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Not being a bad person</div>
<div>
Takes so much energy</div>
<div>
not being a bad person</div>
<div>
takes so much discipline</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Can I be one of the good guys</div>
<div>
and still afford to have my cracked tooth fixed</div>
<div>
How can I be a hero</div>
<div>
When I require expensive medication not to shit blood</div>
KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16713053.post-49041004522585421352013-11-07T10:41:00.002-08:002013-11-07T11:35:32.925-08:00Ad Copy<span style="font-size: x-large;">GetWhat'sFreshSoPeopleWillLikeYouYou'reProbablyFatClickNowYou'llHaveSexWithAHottieAndAlsoDeathAwaits!VitaminC!</span>KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16713053.post-20219943328807583332013-09-26T23:18:00.001-07:002013-09-26T23:18:31.310-07:00DefinitionA poem is a joke that isn't funny.KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16713053.post-7077440409585194082013-09-26T23:17:00.003-07:002013-09-26T23:17:56.799-07:00Left overShe tried to throw away the left-overs<br />
They were only one day old<br />
I stopped her<br />
<br />
The next day<br />
They were a day older<br />
I tossed them<br />
<br />
Not all Superheroes wear capesKLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16713053.post-74436659277303434162013-08-05T09:18:00.003-07:002024-01-12T11:41:25.320-08:00Turn Off, Tune out, Drop InShe was sitting on the still wet ground outside of Peet's Coffee and Tea
with several backpacks, a garbage bag filled with clothes and one of
those silly plastic skateboards with roller blade wheels and a hinge in
the middle. I figured her to be the child of working class parents.
Maybe her folks were assholes, maybe they were very nice people who
missed their daughter. They could even be both I suppose.<br />
<br />
Her hat was flipped up and on the bill she'd written "Tune in, turn on, drop out." <br />
<br />
I wanted to tell her "Hey, the guy that popularized that saying had a
fucking book deal! And a nice degree to fall back on. Don't listen to
that trust fund asshole."<br />
<br />
Then I thought of her peers, most of whom were probably studying subjects
they didn't care about on their way to work jobs they hated as they
watched the years race by at amazing speeds. <br />
<br />
So, I bought her something warm to drink and shared more practical
advice. "Hey, having this drink in your hand they have to let you sit
inside where it's dry and warm."<br />
<br />
She said "Thanks man." in a really sincere voice that made me want to
give her a hug. I drove back to my shitty job. <br />Fuck Timothy Leary.
KLJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07518406972256513476noreply@blogger.com0