Homeless
Fight or flight engaged
Always on
Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue If you don't like my poems Then you can go screw
I sit at the window
listening to traffic
I can feel the energy of my city
I can feel a million souls
moving
fighting
playing music
making music
dancing
walking
drinking
drowning worries
building and destroying
I can feel all this energy pass through me
like electricity moving through a wire
so many different frequencies
so many different textures, colors, flavors
flowing eventually together
if I can keep it from becoming ticklish
if I can keep it from burning
if I can just hold it, it's building
in me
as it pulses and finds a rhythm
a symphony of human motion
and emotions
it builds
it lifts me from my chair
I float up in my room
I find the center
I am equal distance from each of my walls
from the ceiling and from the floor
I start rotating
slowly at first
then spinning
faster
and faster
until all is a blur
all vision is blended, streaked, combined, overlapped until it is blackness
a living blackness
all sound combines, at first cacophonous
then droning, buzzing, tighter until it is silence
I explode
the energy of the city returns to the city
it takes me with it
I am part of it as it is a part of me
I wake up cold in bed
I step to my open window and listen to my city
I can hear the far off freeway
someone is singing
a car drives by with loud bass thumping
it grows louder and then fades
I close the window
shutting out the sounds of my city
in my small room
four white walls
as close as I ever get to silence
and I fall back to sleep
You
You're my type
When you were long and lanky and we twisted our limbs like branches growing rapidly together
When you're curvy and round and enough for me to get lost in
When you become old and so comfortably familiar it would be a struggle to recall what it was like not to have you near
My type is you
That kid I used to be
Sometimes he seems like someone else
Someone I can sympathise with
Someone I wish I could help
Poor little shit, he didn't know anything
Today though
On my 52nd birthday
He was there in the mirror
Looking older
But still that same kid
Those same eyes
Starring back at me
I can help him
I can give him love
I do love him
Poor little shit
He knew so much
I saw a Valentine's Day post
"Every second of every minute with you has been wonderful."
A sentiment I find unlikely
I argue reality is more romantic.
"The good times are so very good, they've made it worth getting through the horrendous times, and that's saying something, because we been through some shit!"
"Come Celebrate, Comrades! We've done it! We have remade America as a Socialist Utopia at last! I've got a peppermint mocha for each of you!"
I sit to read and the first page is brilliant and inspires me so, I hop up to write
I sit to write about life, and love and, reminded that these are happening all about me, I hop up to live
I spin in circles
possibility overwhelms me
I look at my phone
"Reading and writing today" I post as my status update
and just like that, I get several dozen reacts, likes, loves, and hugs
I'll try reading again later
There once was a man from Nantucket
who knew he'd one day kick the bucket
This awareness of his mortal state
a sense of foreboding did create
and also, he had a comically large penis
I've worked very hard
And become a moderate success
Which is a shame
I could've been an epic failure
Many songs will become sad, full of sweet memories of you
as will songs you never have the chance to hear, ones I know you'd have loved
or hated
or laughed at me for loving
I already think of you every-time I go out for pizza
Not delivery
Just the singular glow of a dimly lit pizza place, with a videogame soundtrack
When you're gone, first slices will become a silent toast to you
You will haunt bike rides, and road trips,
and the fact that I never figured out how to play pool,
laughable horrible vegan foods that we buy anyway,
and remembering the love that is shared even in the middle of fights
A significant piece of me only exists because I know you
And it's a piece of me I share
You'll live on in people who never knew you
Just as in songs you've never heard
Sitting in an old Soviet era hotel in Przemysl Poland with jet lag insomnia
2 planes
4 trains
3 countries so far
Crossing an ocean in pursuit of adventure and I only dare hope it's a fraction as memorable and delightful as times I've walked just down the road to take your clothes off
Parent meeting
I feel like a student again
not a feeling I enjoy
The teacher is at the front of the class talking
I'm sitting in a tiny chair having trouble concentrating
"We need this form signed, and a volunteer to coordinate these events..."
My mind keeps wandering off
She stops... "I'm sorry but, look at the sky."
We look out the window to catch a fantastic fall sunset swirl of blue, and pink, and grey
I am filled with joy at knowing my daughter has a teacher who will interrupt herself to point out a beautiful sky
Someday
I’ll write you a love poem
And I’ll manage to contain
My excitement
And refrain
From calling you from work
And whispering sweet words
Just out of earshot of coworkers
I’ll leave it on your pillow
And let it start your day
With a reminder, that I am so thrilled
Everyday
Because you are my girl
My life flashed before my eyes
Just as I’d heard it would
But the scenes were not of my first love sitting in an empty apartment wearing white
Or of the pain as she drove down that ally for the last time
There were no scenes of the hirings and firings that had dragged me up and down the ladder of human accomplishment
Not a single image scrolling past held the face of my dear sweet mother
I was confused by image after image of various tailor shops I’d passed
My cloths, hairline and posture reflected the decade
Taylor shops have always looked the same
Friendship tailor on 16th, Alterations while-u-wait in Los Angeles, The Tidy Tailor in Portland Main
I would never have believed that in one lifetime a body could have passed so many tailor shops
Some I remembered, having walked past them many times in my daily grind
Others were forgotten shops I’d walked quickly past, my thoughts not on my hem-lines
I inquired into the strange collage of tailors passed when I later had the opportunity to chat with The Creator
Though I suspect he was more of a department store Creator
On of The Creators “helpers”
Like Santa, he has many
He told me that the great slide show of death shows the dying only the defining moments of their life
And as I stared into his steel gray eyes I didn’t need to hear another word
Understanding flooded into me
Pants Don’t Fit Me Right
I never had the figure that pants on the rack were meant to adorn
Nude, I did not appear particularly unique
It was all a matter of inches
My ass started an inch to high
My pelvis tilted forward the slightest degree
I was a body in need of a custom fit
But I had not considered myself the tailored type
I’d aspired to transcend the vanity of those who spend their time and money on getting the perfect fit out of their trousers
My energies were spent on attempts at bettering myself
I read the important books
I watched my diet as best I could and jogged whenever I’d been seduced by a pint of Ice Cream
I worked hard and kept my eyes open to opportunity
Men with a better fit shot past me toward the executive offices
I turned my attention to my extra circular activities
I wrote my stories, and poetry
But I was never the darling of the café scene
Those with mannequin-like physiques stole my adoration
Men who’d developed a friendship with the Friendship Taylor had better adventures to write about
They’d been invited to taste of more passion,
had been let in on the secrets of every bar, beach and dark ally
Women, slave to the Darwinian impulses that govern us all had not been able to get past this defect that they were not even consciously aware of.
The sloppy way my pants hung, unevenly from my faulty waist had advertised to all “UNSUTABLE FOR BREEDING”
A bright neon sign, flashing on and off, all my life
If only I’d known
My Girlfriend is gorgeous
With long luscious hair
She wears tank top tees
With low slung pajama pants
And she makes Iced Tea
Every time someone dies I get a jacket
I’ve got more jackets than I can ever wear
From uncle Joe’s corduroy to Grandpa Eddie’s leather
If they go to heaven I pray it aint cold there.
I’ve been to my fair share of funerals
I’ve seen my relatives aged and bereaved
And though it makes me feel guilty
I’ve eyed all the jackets I’ll soon receive.
I love your face
When I can’t sleep
I’ll look at your face beautiful in sleep
When I wake up
Yours is the first face I see
I look at your face beautiful in that half dreaming morning daze
When you talk
Your full lips telling me of your strange nocturnal adventures
Your eyes widening
I look at your face beautiful in that state of wonderment
When we lay together in the afternoon
And your eyelids are half closed
I run my finger along your cheek and across your lips
I look at your face beautiful waiting to be kissed
(for Bryna)
I have an abnormally large forehead
I’ve heard all the jokes, like;
“That’s not a forehead that’s a five head”
six head
seven head
Eight head ha ha ha
It’s been this way since I was a kid
In those days I looked like some kind of freak and people either thought I was one of those brainy child prodigies or they figured I was retarded
As an adult people just assume I’m balding
I preferred being a retard.
I don’t go to parties
I only like large crowds when I’m on stage
Well lit, with a microphone in my hand
I know what to say to them
I know what they’re looking for
I give it to them
or I don’t
Either way, they leave
I go home
I don’t go to parties